Introduction to Shakespeare

I ask them why we must read
books written in what we
laughingly call English.

I say down with Bill Shakespeare,
he was a pot-head anyway.

Instead, let us read Crichton,
or King, or Clancy.

I want not to hear of Shakespeare,
though if I have to, let it be in
a movie with Keanu Reeves or Kenneth Branagh.

But all they make us do is read.
"Doth" and "Thou" and silly words like that.
So much so that I could cry.

They laugh at our expense.
They laugh as I try to comprehend.
O Noble Shakespeare, thou art
but a thorny-thorn in mine side.